Our Methodology:
We use a complex system of divination involving copious amounts of coffee, random number generators, and the collective unconscious.
Our team of expert prophets (okay, they're just guys in the basement) have developed a 7-step process to predict with uncanny accuracy:
- Step 1: Drink 3-5 cups of coffee.
- Step 2: Stare at a crystal ball until it gets too bright.
- Step 3: Consult the ancient art of tea leaves.
- Step 4: Use a Ouija board, but only if it's a Friday.
- Step 5: Read the entrails of a chicken.
- Step 6: Call a random number and ask for advice.
- Step 7: Pretend it's all true.
And that's it! With our proprietary Prophetic Prediction Algorithm (PPA), we'll have you predicting your way to success in no time!