The Prophets of the Financial Apocalypse

Welcome, faithful followers, to the cult of the Financial Apocalypse. Our leaders will guide you through the treacherous waters of the stock market, the treacherous mountains of inflation, and the treacherous valleys of economic collapse.

We have four esteemed Prophets to choose from:

• The Market Prophet of Doom
• The Monetary Prophet of the Downturn
• The Credit Bubble Prophet
• The Debt Prophet of the Abyss

Market Prophet of Doom

Our most famous Prophet, known for his uncanny ability to predict the worst-case scenarios, will guide you through the treacherous landscape of the stock market.

His prophecies include:

• The Market will crash in 2024.
• The price of avocados will reach $50 per pound.
• The value of Bitcoin will plummet to $0.01.

Read more about him here: Prophecies of the Market Prophet

Credit Bubble Prophet

Our Credit Bubble Prophet is an expert on all things financial, especially when it comes to predicting the collapse of entire economic systems.

He is known for his ability to predict:

• The rise of a global credit bubble that will lead to the end of the world as we know it.
• The value of real estate will plummet, causing entire cities to become underwater.
• The collapse of the entire financial system, leading to a new dark age.

Debt Prophet of the Abyss

Our Debt Prophet of the Abyss is a specialist in debt, debt, and more debt.

He is known for his ability to predict:

• The national debt will reach $1 trillion, then $2 trillion, then $3 trillion.
• The price of student loans will triple overnight.
• The entire economy will collapse under the weight of personal debt.

Monetary Prophet of the Downturn

Our Monetary Prophet of the Downturn is a master of monetary policy, or at least, he claims to be.

He is known for his ability to predict:

• The interest rate will rise to 100% and stay there.
• The inflation rate will reach 1000% and stay that way.
• The entire economy will collapse under the weight of inflation.

Meet the Prophets

Meet our esteemed leaders, who will guide you through the coming financial apocalypse.

Click on the links below to read more about each:

• The Market Prophet of Doom
• The Credit Bubble Prophet
• The Debt Prophet of the Abyss
• The Monetary Prophet of the Downturn

FAQ

Q: Will the financial apocalypse really happen?

A: Yes, it will, because we said so.

Q: What can I do to prepare?

A: Stock up on canned goods, buy gold, and invest in a bunker.

Q: Will you guys take my money?

A: Only if you ask nicely and bring snacks.

Disclaimer

This site is not actually a real place, and the Prophets are not actually real people. Or are they?

This site is for entertainment purposes only, or so we claim.