Welcome to the Our Zombie Predictor Team, where we predict with certainty that a zombie apocalypse will occur within the next 3-5 business days.
Our team of experts, led by Lead Prophet #1, have been analyzing the trends in apocalyptic data and have come up with the following predictions:
Don't believe us? Fine. But don't come crying to us when the dead rise from the grave and devour your precious avocado toast.
As Lead Prophet #1, I can assure you that our predictions are 100% accurate. Or at least, we're 100% certain that we're right. Maybe. Possibly. Probably not. Who knows?