The Secret Handbook is a sacred text, hidden away in the depths of the Meeting Sorcerer's lair, containing the collective knowledge of the Guild of the Black Rose. It's a treasure trove of information on how to make meetings even more redundant, more tedious, and more utterly useless.

Here's a sampling of the most important secrets:

• Secret 1: The art of creating a 10-page agenda for a 30-minute meeting
• Secret 2: The technique of scheduling meetings during leap years
• Secret 3: The ancient art of making attendees arrive 30 minutes early to wait in an empty room

Don't bother trying to understand it, just pretend you're a wizard who needs to know these things to save humanity from the evil Meeting Sorcerer.