MANDATE-001: Mandatory Morning Coffee

As per the MANDATE-002: Mandatory Monday Sarcasm, all employees are required to consume a minimum of 2 cups of coffee per day to maintain productivity and prevent Monday-itis.

Failure to comply will result in severe consequences, including but not limited to:

• Excessive use of Comic Sans in email templates
• Unacceptable usage of "low-key" in professional settings
• Unwillingness to participate in pointless meetings

Don't say we didn't warn you.