Effective immediately, all employees are required to arrive at work 1 hour and 15 minutes prior to their scheduled start time. This will allow for a minimum of 30 minutes of intense productivity before any actual work begins.
This will be enforced by a team of highly trained and heavily caffeinated Mandate Enforcers, who will be stationed at each entrance and exit point.
Failure to comply with this mandate will result in severe penalties, including but not limited to, extra-long meetings, pointless paperwork, and being forced to watch a 3-hour presentation on "The Importance of Being On Time".
For more information on this or any other Mandate, visit: