Weekly Horoscope: Because You Clearly Need More Drama In Your Life

Aries

This week, Aries will be involved in a high-stakes game of "Dress-up Box" with their coworkers. Don't worry, it's not as scary as it sounds. Unless you're wearing last week's socks. Then, run for cover.

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Taurus

Taurus will finally find their lost keys, but only after they've spent an entire day digging through their neighbor's trash cans. Good job, Taurus! You're a real treasure hunter.

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Leo

Leo will be asked to "present" at the company meeting, but only if they can do it while riding a unicycle. Good luck with that, Leo. You're going to need it.

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Virgo

Virgo will finally finish their never-ending project, but only after they've rewritten the code 12 times because, let's face it, the first 11 times were clearly wrong.

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Libra

Libra will be asked to be on a "cool" podcast, but only if they can do it while wearing a pair of oversized novelty sunglasses and a fedora. You're a real hipster, Libra.

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Scorpio

Scorpio will get a parking ticket, because, let's face it, they're just that kind of person. Good luck with that, Scorpio. May the parking gods have mercy on you.

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Sagittarius

Sagittarius will spend an entire day arguing with their neighbor over a garden gnome. Good luck with that, Sagittarius. You're going to need it.

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Capricorn

Capricorn will finally get that promotion, but only after they've spent 3 hours perfecting their "I'm-a-boss" face in the mirror. You're a real pro, Capricorn.

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Aquarius

Aquarius will get their first tattoo of a chicken riding a unicorn. No, seriously, they will. You're a real free spirit, Aquarius.

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