Apollo the Omniscient

Prophet of the Apocalypse, Patron of the Perpetually Broke

Years of Experience: Infinity+

Number of Followers: 0 (but they're all rich and famous)

Caffeine Intake: Excessive

Favorite Color: Burnt Sienna

Prophecies:

Markets will crash, but only on Tuesdays.
The avocado toast will never recover.
Bitcoin will be worth $0.99.
The end times will come, but first, let's get some snacks.

Meet Betty the Brutal, Prophet of Brutalism

Leon the Ominent, Prophet of the Obvious

Our Own Private John, Prophet of the Puns