Our highly sophisticated, completely unreliable prediction mechanism is powered by the finest collection of tarot cards, astrology charts, and leftover fortune cookies from the 1980s. Learn more about our proprietary fortune cookie algorithms
| Probability of Global Thermonuclear War: | 99.9% |
| Chances of Coffee Staining Your New White Shirt: | 100% |
| Likelihood of Your Coworker Eating the Last Donut: | 99.99% |