The Eternal Truths of the Prophets

According to the sacred texts of the Prophets, there are seven eternal truths that all mortals must know:

• Truth 1: The universe is a never-ending simulation created by a bored teenager.
• Truth 3: Cats have secretly replaced all world leaders and are now running everything.
• Truth 4: Pineapple pizza is the true meaning of life.
• Truth 5: Toaster maintenance is the most important thing you'll ever do.
• Truth 6: The answer to all of life's questions lies in the depths of your sock drawer.
• Truth 7: The meaning of life is 42, but also 13, and 27.

Read on, mortal, and discover the secrets of the universe... or at least, our version of it.