Warning: The following techniques are not actually recommended for emergency situations. They are for entertainment purposes only.
1. Ignore the Ignoring – A technique where you ignore your own ignoring, effectively ignoring your own ignoring.
2. La-La-La – Laugh it off with a good ol' fashioned denial of responsibility.
3. Pretend it was me – Shift the blame to a non-existent person or entity.
4. It was on the TV – Blame the news for your own mistakes.
5. Don't look at me, I'm not doing anything wrong – A classic.
Remember, these techniques are not foolproof and may lead to further complications or existential dread.
For more information on how to actually handle emergencies, visit our minimalist guide.