Union Jack Sisters' Guide to Thatcher's Finest

Because, let's be real, you're not going to learn to make a good cup of tea from that posh aunt

Step 1: Learn to make a proper cup of tea. Not that hippie stuff with the herbal nonsense, but proper tea. Black, strong, and not too bloody hot.

Step 2: Make crumpets properly, or you'll be the laughing stock of the village

Step 3: Get into the spirit of the Queen (but, like, not too much)

Step 4: Throw a bone to the common folk, innit?

Step 5: Don't be so bloody awkward, mate