Welcome, fellow procrastinators!
As an expert witness, I'm here to help you defend your right to do absolutely nothing productive.
Procrastination is not a crime, but our legal system often tries to make it one.
That's why we need experts like me to provide a solid defense. I've studied the art of doing the bare minimum and I can provide expert testimony on the best practices for:
- Mastering the art of binge-watching cat videos
- Developing an impressive collection of video game characters' names
- Reorganizing your sock drawer into the most efficient and aesthetically pleasing configuration known to humanity
Hire me as your expert witness today and I'll make sure you get away with the minimum amount of effort required!