My Internet Is Broken - Excuses For Not Attending

Here are a few of my favorite excuses for not attending events, meetings, or social gatherings. I mean, who needs human interaction, right?

• My Couch Is Comfortable
• My Internet Is Still Connected
• My Pet Is Dependent On Me
• I Have A Really Important Video To Watch
• My Phone Is Lost And I Need To Go Search For It

1. My Couch Is Comfortable
   1. It's really, really comfortable. Like, have you ever felt a couch this comfortable?
   2. I'm trying to set a new land speed record for how long I can stay on the couch.
   3. It's not my fault, I swear! The couch is just really, really good at holding me hostage.
2. My Internet Is Still Connected
   1. It's not like I'm not connected, I'm just... conserving bandwidth.
   2. I'm waiting for a critical update. Like, really, really critical.
   3. It's not a problem, I'm just... buffering.
3. My Pet Is Dependent On Me
   1. It's not like I'm not a good pet owner, I'm just... recharging.
   2. I'm trying to set a new record for most consecutive hours spent in a single pet-holding position.
   3. It's not a problem, I'm just... being a good boy.
4. I Have A Really Important Video To Watch
   1. I'm not watching cat videos, I'm doing... research.
   2. It's not a cat video, it's... educational content.
   3. It's not a video at all, I'm just... staring at a blank screen.
5. My Phone Is Lost And I Need To Go Search For It
   1. I swear, I had it just a minute ago... somewhere.
   2. I'm trying to set a new record for most consecutive minutes spent looking for something that's probably in the fridge.
   3. It's not my fault, I'm just... allergic to phone chargers.