10 Ways to Do Absolutely Nothing Better

1. Learn to recognize the Siren Song of Social Media

Don't let the constant stream of notifications lull you into a state of productive complacency. Identify the subtle differences between "urgent" and "totally-not-urgent" messages to optimize your idle time.

2. Practice the Art of Distraction Mastery

Distract yourself from productivity by learning to focus on multiple tasks simultaneously. Juggling three or more tabs open in the same window? You're on the right track.

3. Develop a keen eye for spotting 'Just-5-Minute Break' opportunities

Recognize the subtle signs that you can take a "short" break and still be within reach of your "deadline". Bonus points if you can convince yourself it's "research".

4. Master the ancient art of finding a 'better' chair for productivity

Experiment with various ergonomic chairs, bean bags, and even the floor to optimize your comfort-to-productivity ratio. Don't forget to test the 'is it comfortable enough' theory.

5. Learn to channel your inner Bureaucratic Red Tape Expert

Deliberately create an endless loop of unnecessary forms, permits, and certifications to ensure that you're always doing 'just enough' to justify your procrastination.

6. Develop a taste for the art of 'Just-About-to-Start' syndrome

Perfect the skill of getting just to the edge of starting a task, then abandoning ship at the last second. It's all about creating a sense of 'almost-done'.

7. Cultivate a love for the smell of stale air and dusty shelves

Find joy in the musty aroma of forgotten dreams and the thrill of finding a book you haven't touched in years. It's all about creating an atmosphere conducive to inaction.

8. Practice the art of 'Accomplishing' something completely unremarkable

Strive to complete tasks that are so underwhelmingly unimportant that you'll never be able to recall what you actually did. A true master of the mundane.

9. Learn the ancient art of finding the perfect spot to park yourself

Master the delicate balance between being too close and too far from the actual task at hand. The key is to create an optimal distance for maximum procrastination.

10. Develop a keen eye for spotting the 'Just-About-to-Start' signs

Recognize the subtle signs that you're about to start something, and then deliberately subvert them with a well-timed nap or a snack break.