In the depths of the Sofa Republic, time is relative. Not like, really relative. More like, utterly and completely not relative at all. We're talking Newtonian physics, people. The clock on the wall is stuck, but the snacks on the coffee table are constantly changing. It's a real paradox.
We've been trying to tell you this for centuries, but apparently, it's not sinking in. Time is just a human construct, a way for us to organize our snack schedules. Don't get us wrong, it's a great idea, but let's be real, who needs a 24-hour clock when you have a 24-hour food delivery service?
So you've managed to warp the fabric of space-time? Congrats! Now you're stuck on the couch, wondering where it's all gone wrong. Don't worry, we've got a guide to help you navigate the timestream:
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