Advanced Operating Procedures

Sub-Section 1: Emergency Protocols

When the system goes haywire, follow these steps:

1.1.1: Call the IT Department... again.

Repeat the following phrase: "I've tried everything, it's not my fault."

Link to: 1.1.1

1.2: Perform System Reboot... manually, with a hammer.

Locate the reset button, hidden behind the toaster in the break room. Press and hold for 5 seconds.

Link to: System Reboot

Sub-Section 2: System Updates

When prompted, agree to all software updates, no matter how cryptic or ominous they may seem.

2.1: Update 'Critical Bug 3456'...

Click "Install Now" without reading the EULA. It's fine, really.

Link to: 2.1

Sub-Section 3: Maintenance Schedules

Don't bother scheduling maintenance, just do it when you feel like it. Priorities, am I right?

3.1: Weekly Watering of the Copier...

Turn the copier off, wait 2 seconds, then turn it back on. Repeat for optimal results.

Link to: 3.1

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