Standard Procedure 2: The Incredibly Complicated Guide to Doing Absolutely Nothing

A step-by-step guide for those who want to achieve peak productivity by doing as little as possible.

Step 1: Wake up, yawn, and stare at the wall for 5 minutes.

This is the most crucial step in the process. Do not skip it.

If you get bored, look at cat videos on your phone.

Step 2: Browse the internet for an hour without finding anything interesting.

This step is a challenge. Be proud of yourself if you can manage to do it.

Remember, the internet is a vast and wondrous place. It will not always be boring.

Step 3: Take a 3-hour lunch break to eat a sandwich.

The key to success is to take your time, so don't rush it.