Horoscope for the Discerning Astrology Enthusiast

Today's Horoscope

Today, you will be approached by a mysterious stranger who will offer you a free hug. Accept it, and you will be rewarded with a 10% chance of finding a lost sock in the wash.

However, there is a 30% chance that the stranger will actually be a time-traveler from the year 3050, and they will try to sell you a timeshare in a planet that's not actually habitable.

Sub-Scopes

Disclaimer: Horoscopes are not actual predictions, but rather a series of entertaining, completely-not-made-up possibilities. Or, you know, not.