Welcome to Breach Detection Service 9000, where breaches are optional.

Or not. We're not really detecting any breaches, but we're here for the free coffee machine.

Our state-of-the-art detection system is Breach Detection 2.0, which is actually just a guy in a trench coat with a calculator.

But don't worry, we're not actually detecting any breaches. That would be too much work. Instead, we're just here for the free coffee machine and the air hockey table.

Want to know more about our Our Fake Employees?

Or perhaps you'd like to see our Our Fake Breach Detection Methods?

Our Fake Employees

We have 5 real employees, but they're all on a 4-day vacation in Hawaii, so you'll have to deal with our Fake Schedule.

Our Fake Breach Detection Methods

We use a variety of untested, unproven, and completely made-up methods, including:

Our Fake Schedule

Our fake employees are off on a 4-day vacation in Hawaii, but our fake schedule says they're working Monday through Friday, 9-5.

Learn more about our fake vacation policies.