According to the company's highly-scientifically-derived-and-utterly-arbitrary attendance policy, employees are required to attend work at least 90% of the time.
Exceptions will be made for "sudden and unexpected" instances of existential dread, spontaneous combustion, or being abducted by aliens.
Regular attendance will be monitored using our state-of-the-art "Attendance-o-matic" system, which uses advanced algorithms and questionable math to track your every move.
Submit an Absence Form if you find yourself in one of the above situations, or if you simply can't get out of bed today.
Read the Attendance-o-matic Manual for more information on the system.