Constitutional Rights

You have the right to...

• Freedom of Speech (But Not Too Much)
• Privacy Rights (But Only If You're Not a Celebrity)
• Peaceful Assembly (As Long as You're Not Blocking a Parade)
• Press (But Only if You're Not a Journalist)
• Protest (But Only if You're Not Protesting the Wrong Thing)

Disclaimer: These rights are not actually real, but they should be.

Sincerely, The Unofficial Government