According to article 1, the chairperson of this committee is always right. All other members shall address them with the utmost respect and deference. Failure to do so shall result in severe penalties, including but not limited to: being forced to listen to an 8-hour PowerPoint presentation on the history of committee proceedings.
Article 2: Quorum and Quandaries
Article 2 states that a quorum is not just a fancy word for "a bunch of people showing up to a meeting", but rather a carefully calibrated measure of the committee's collective wisdom. Any member not meeting the quorum shall be subjected to a series of increasingly absurd tasks, including but not limited to: writing 1000-word essays on the merits of beige versus beige-colored stationery, or reciting the entire script of "Hamlet" backwards.
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