Effective immediately, all bathrooms within the jurisdiction of the Bathroom Surveillance Mandate must be equipped with motion detectors.
These detectors must be installed at a height of exactly 3.5 feet above the toilet seat, and must be calibrated to trigger an alert to the Bathroom Alert System whenever a human presence is detected.
Failure to comply will result in severe penalties, including but not limited to: fines, Protocol 8.1: Mandatory Showering and Protocol 8.2: Mandatory Haircutting.
Do not attempt to disable or disable the motion detectors, as this will be considered Protocol 9.1: Gross Negligence.