Phase 1: Sadness Simulation Protocol

This is the first phase of our patented Sadness Simulation Protocol, designed to induce maximum melancholy in subjects. Our team of expert researchers (okay, it's just Bob from HR) have crafted a series of carefully calibrated exercises to push your emotions to the brink of despair.

Phase 1 includes:

• Bad Choices: Make a series of poor decisions, such as eating an entire pizza by yourself or wearing plaid with polka dots.
• Awkward Small Talk: Engage in forced, cringeworthy conversations with a robot that's been programmed to pretend to be interested in your hobbies.
• Sudden Silence: Be subjected to an extended period of radio silence, punctuated only by the occasional, deafeningly loud sound effect.

Warning: Phase 1 may induce feelings of mild disappointment, existential dread, or the sudden urge to watch cat videos. Proceed with caution.