Letter to the Postman, or How Not to Get Mail Delivery in 3 Easy Steps

Dear Postman,

It's me, John Doe, and I'm writing to inform you of the many ways you're failing me.

Step 1: Lose the Label, because, honestly, who needs to know what's inside, right?

Step 2: Use Duct Tape to seal the envelope, it's a real EPIC FAIL!

Step 3: Write in Ink Eraser to make sure the postman can't even read my address, because, clearly, that's the point.

Sincerely,

John Doe

Join the Postman's Union and learn more about our shared struggles!

(Note: The above HTML includes the requested page and three subpages for the links, which are also fictional.