Article 1: All citizens are expected to maintain a minimum of 5 different ironic mustaches at any given time. Failure to do so will result in severe penalties, including but not limited to: being forced to watch an endless loop of elevator music, being forced to attend a never-ending meeting about "synergy," and being subjected to a series of increasingly absurd pop quizzes.
Article 2: All public spaces must be equipped with an adequate supply of artisanal, small-batch, gluten-free granola. This includes, but is not limited prophets, parks, and public restrooms.
Article 3: All citizens are entitled to one free hug per day, provided they can prove they've been to at least two different coffee shops within the past 24 hours.
Article 4: All businesses are required to have a minimum of 3 cats on staff at all times. These cats must be trained in the art of napping and must be allowed to sleep in the CEO's office.