Symptoms of Paranoid Pooping and the Zeitgeist

• Excessive use of hand sanitizer after every bowel movement
• Requiring a hazmat suit for each bathroom visit
• Constantly questioning the integrity of toilet paper
• Uncontrollable urges to Google 'What if the toilet is watching me?'
• Feeling the weight of societal expectations on your, ahem, 'output'
• Unrelenting paranoia of being watched while pooping (even though you're alone)

Don't worry, it's not just you. What to do when the toilet is watching you.

Or, if you're feeling particularly anxious, try The Therapy Toilet for some, ahem, 'unconventional' guidance.