Meetings are the bane of productivity, but sometimes they're necessary. So, let's get down to business and discuss our takeover strategy for the weekend's coffee machine.
Objective: Acquire 100% of the coffee beans.
Phase 1: Infiltrate the break room with a fake meeting request. Make it seem casual, but make sure to mention the importance of "synergy" and "disruption."
Phase 2: Once in the break room, establish a strong rapport with the coffee machine. Use active listening skills to determine its deepest desires and fears.
Phase 3: Present the machine with a compelling argument for surrender. Emphasize the benefits of being part of a larger entity, the benefits of being "disrupted" in a good way.
Phase 4: Negotiate the terms of the takeover. Make sure to include a clear plan for "synergy" and "disruption."
Phase 5: Execute the plan. Use any means necessary, but always keep it classy.