Zero Tolerance Lunch Policy

Welcome to the most draconian, yet somehow functional, office environment

Our break room has been equipped with a state-of-the-art vending machine that dispenses only the most basic, unflattering options: plain ramen, day-old bread, and a selection of questionable meat alternatives.

Consume at your own risk, but please do not, we repeat, PLEASE DO NOT, under any circumstances, eat anything that may cause discomfort, distress, or spontaneous combustion.

Rules

• No microwaving of leftovers, no exceptions.
• No eating at your desk, unless absolutely necessary (i.e., you're on fire).
• No sharing of food, including but not limited to: utensils, plates, or your personal space.