Sub-Mandate 3, Submandate 2: The Unrelenting Futility of Monday

Monday, the day when the world is doomed to be a never-ending cycle of despair and desperation. But fear not, dear citizen, for we have Mandate 3, Submandate 2 to guide you through the existential crisis that is waking up on a Monday.

According to our top-secret, highly-paid-for, totally-not-made-up experts, the key to surviving Monday is to:

• Drink an entire pot of coffee while screaming at the ceiling
• Set your alarm clock 10 minutes earlier than it actually needs to be set, only to realize you're not getting out of bed anyway
• Repeat the phrase "I will get through this, I will get through this" 17 times while staring blankly into space

And if all else fails, just remember: it's not you, it's Monday. It's the real enemy.

For more information on how to survive the horrors of Monday, visit:

Mandate 4: The Monday Survival Guide or

Sub-Mandate 1: The Art of Pretending to be a Functioning Member of Society