Q: What is the deal with the microwave in the break room?
A: It's not a deal, just a beacon of despair. Don't even get close, it's like a biohazard.
Q: Who is the office "cool kid"?
A: That's an oxymoron. We're all just a bunch of sweaty messes in here.
Q: Can I have Fridays off?
A: Only if you're willing to sacrifice your soul to the corporate overlord.
Q: Who is the "new guy"?
A: He's a harbinger of doom, or at least a really confusing meeting invite.