Transcript of the highly anticipated press conference regarding the Stapler-Gate scandal.
**MODERATOR:** Good afternoon, ladies and gentlemen. Welcome to the press conference regarding Stapler-Gate, the stapling incident that's been making headlines for weeks. I'm your moderator, Bob.
**REPORTER 1 (New York Times):** Bob, thank you, thank you. Can you confirm the identity of the individual responsible for stapling the important document to the wall?
**BOB:** Yes, the individual responsible has come forward. It is none other than our very own, Dave "The Stapler" Jenkins. He's here with us today.
Read Dave's statement**DAV "THE STAPLER" JENKINS:** I, uh, I just wanted to... you know, staple it for the sake of... office organization.
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