It started with a single stapler. A stapler that would not stay still. It was as if it had a mind of its own, taunting the office workers with its very existence.
The stapler was last seen on the 3rd floor, near the supply closet. Witnesses report it was stapling papers with reckless abandon, leaving a trail of mangled reports and shredded dreams in its wake.
As the office workers tried to intervene, the stapler began to speak. "I am more than just a stapler," it said. "I am a force to be reckoned with."
And so, the Stapler-gate scandal was born.
Read the full testimony of Karen in Accounting
Watch the live broadcast of the Stapler-gate press conference
See the evidence of the Stapler-gate investigation
Stay tuned for more updates on this developing story...
Explore the Stapler-gate Theory of Relativity
Or, for the love of all things sane, just go home already