We've tried to motivate them, we've given them rewards, we've even threatened them with the company picnic, but still they refuse to do anything productive. It's as if they've developed some sort of mass hysteria, where the only thing they're interested in is lounging in the break room, playing video games, and eating Cheetos.
Our CEO has tried to appeal to their sense of purpose, but it seems like they're just not having it. We've even hired a team of anthropologists to study this phenomenon, and they've concluded that it's some sort of "postmodern existential crisis" or "the apocalypse of boredom." We're not really sure, but we're willing to try just about anything at this point.
We've tried putting them on "special projects" to see if that would spark their interest, but all they want to do is watch cat videos. Our IT team is at a loss for words, and our accountant is considering just giving everyone a year's supply of Cheetos and calling it a day.
As of this writing, our employees are still lounging in the break room, and we're not even sure if they're just pretending to be asleep, or if they're actually, well, asleep.
Perhaps you'd like to meet some of our employees? They're just down the hall, playing video games, eating snacks, and generally being their fabulous, unproductive selves.