Welcome to the Charity Gala for a Cause that's almost as noble as our intentions. Our esteemed CEO, Larry the Great, has promised that every donation made tonight will be at least 5 times more effective than the cost of the overpriced tickets you just paid for. Don't worry about the fine print; we're sure it's just a minor typo.
Don't have a credit card? Don't worry! We've got a payment plan that's as flexible as a used car salesman's promises.