Section 1: The Art of Not Being a Dick

This is the first section of the employee manual. In it, we will cover the basics of not being a dick. It's not as easy as it sounds, but don't worry, we'll get you there.

Here are some key takeaways to remember:

• Don't be a morning person. It's just too early.
• Use your words, not your fists.
• Don't eat the last donut in the break room. It's just basic human decency.
• Don't wear socks with sandals. Ever.

For more information on advanced dick-not-being techniques, see:

Section 2: The Art of Not Being a Dick in the Break Room

Section 3: The Art of Not Being a Dick in Meetings

For more on the history of dick-being in the office, see:

Section 4: A Brief History of Dick-Being in the Modern Workplace

And, of course, if you're still having trouble being not a dick:

Consult the Employee Assistance Program (EAP)

Or, if that's not working out, consider taking a few minutes to Section 5: The Art of Not Being a Dick in Therapy