Free Coffee
Yes, we're serious. Free coffee. For you. And your coworkers. Because who needs a social life?
But don't get too excited, it's just instant coffee. The kind that's been sitting in the break room since the Clinton administration.
Flexible Scheduling
We know you've got a lot of things going on. That's why we've introduced our new "Flexible Scheduling" policy. By "flexible", we mean you'll work whenever we tell you to.
Don't worry, it's not like we're asking you to choose between being a functioning member of society or a productive employee. You'll still be able to attend all the family gatherings, PTA meetings, and fantasy football games you want. We just need you to do it on your breaks.