The Socks of Justification Algorithm

This is a highly experimental and completely-not-at-all-validated algorithm for justifying the existence of your favorite socks. It involves a series of rigorous mathematical calculations and a dash of pure speculation.

Step 1: Gather all socks in a single, undifferentiated pile.

Step 2: Sort the socks by color, pattern, and fiber content. Ignore any socks with visible holes.

Step 3: Apply a series of complex, interlocking matrices to the sorted socks, taking into account the following variables:

• Probability of spontaneous combustion
• Expected level of static cling
• Historical significance of the individual sock

Step 4: Integrate the results of the matrices to produce a single, unified justification for the existence of the socks.

And that's it! Or is it? Maybe step 5 exists?

Or maybe you should just go buy new socks instead.