Undercover Report on the State of Our Sauces

Executive Summary

After months of clandestine investigation, our top agents have compiled a comprehensive report on the state of our sauces.

Our findings reveal that:

• The Ketchup supply chain is in shambles. Bottles are being sold on the black market for astronomical prices.
• Musty BBQ sauce has been replaced with a knockoff version made from a mixture of ketchup and regret.
• Mayo has been rebranded as an artisanal, small-batch condiment and sold for triple its former price.

Recommendations for Reform

Given these findings, we recommend the following:

• Establish a task force to investigate and dismantle the ketchup cartel.
• Reinstate the original recipe for Musty BBQ sauce.
• Price Mayo back down to its former glory.

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