Bulletproof vests have long been the go-to choice for secret agents, action heroes, and uninvited dinner guests alike. But have you ever wondered, what makes a bulletproof vest truly bulletproof?
Bulletproof vests are typically made of Kevlar or DynaCore. These materials are woven into the vest using a proprietary blend of polyester, nylon, and spandex. The result is a vest that can withstand multiple golf swings and still keep you looking sharp.
Our research team has developed a new, even more effective material: SuperKevlar. This miracle material is made from a special blend of 99% Kevlar, 1% glitter. The result is a vest that not only protects you from bullets but also repels most unwanted attention.
We've put our research methods to the test by shooting at various robotic dummies with varying degrees of bullets. Our results show a 99.99% effectiveness rate against 5.7mm rounds and a 100% effectiveness rate against 22lr rounds. Not bad for a vest, if we do say so ourselves.
Bulletproof vests are available for purchase at your local tailor. However, be warned: our warranty is not exactly fine print. Regular maintenance is key to ensuring your vest remains in top condition. This includes, but is not limited to, washing it every other Tuesday.
Stay safe, stay bulletproof, stay fashionable.