Warning: do not attempt these methods at home. Your guests will hate you.
1. The Double-Boil: A technique where you boil something for 5 hours straight. Bonus points if it's soup.
2. The Slow-Melt: A delicate balance of heat and apathy that results in a dish that's only slightly less burnt than expected.
3. The Overstir: Where you stir your pot so much that it becomes a vortex of despair and regret.