WATERFALL: Phases of Total Chaos

A comprehensive guide to the most inefficient and painful project management technique: WATERFALL.

Phase 1: Planning (a.k.a. "Let's Just Make it All Up")

In this phase, you get to pretend you know what you're doing.

Phase 1.1: "We'll Just Make It All Up As We Go"

Phase 2: Requirements Gathering (a.k.a. "We'll Ask You a Few Questions")

In this phase, you get to ask people what they want, and pretend you're listening.

Phase 2.1: "Can You Repeat That? I Didn't Understand"

Phase 3: Design (a.k.a. "Let's Draw Some Pictures")

In this phase, you get to draw pretty pictures and make promises you can't keep.

Phase 3.1: "This is Not a Real Design, It's Just a Sketch"

Phase 4: Development (a.k.a. "We're Gonna Code This Up")

In this phase, you get to type away, making promises you'll break.

Phase 4.1: "This Code Will Never Work"

Phase 5: Testing (a.k.a. "Let's Hope It Works")

In this phase, you get to hope that your code doesn't blow up.

Phase 5.1: "I'm Not Seeing Any Issues Here"

Phase 6: Maintenance (a.k.a. "We're Faking It Till It Breaks")

In this phase, you get to pretend that everything's fine, until it all comes crashing down.

Phase 6.1: "I'm Not Saying It's Dead, It's Just... Hibernating"

And that's it! Congratulations, you've managed to Waterfall your way into total chaos.

Phase 7: "We're Not Responsible, It's the Customer's Problem"