TUESDAY MANDATE: Call Yourself an Author

Because, let's be real, who needs a real book deal when you can just self-publish on Amazon?

Tips for Calling Yourself an Author:

• 1. Use a fancy font in your social media bio.
• 2. Claim to have won a Pulitzer.
• 3. Write a 10-page manifesto on the meaning of life.
• 4. Demand free coffee at book signings.
• 5. Use a pen name that's a play on your real name.