Weekly Roundup Projections

Based on our advanced algorithms, here's a 90% chance that next week will be like last week, but with 3-5% more cat videos.

• Monday: 100% chance of rain, 50% chance of existential dread.
• Tuesday: 80% chance of meetings, 20% chance of microwaving a frozen pizza for lunch.
• Wednesday: 100% chance of meetings, 0% chance of productivity.
• Thursday: 50% chance of getting lost in a meeting, 40% chance of finding the coffee machine.
• Friday: 100% chance of leaving early, 0% chance of doing actual work.
• Saturday: 0% chance of productivity, 100% chance of binge-watching TV shows.
• Sunday: 100% chance of regret, 0% chance of adulting.

Stay tuned for more projections!

Check out our side effects page for more info on prophets of doom!

Or, if you'd rather not, browse our projections by probability.

Or, you know what? Just just go ahead and do it yourself, we won't judge.