Learn to Do Nothing

Strategically Optimize for Procrastination

By now, you've probably realized that the world needs more experts in the art of doing nothing. As such, we've compiled a list of advanced techniques for maximizing your idle time.

1. Learn a new phrase, like "The sky is falling, but it's not actually, so let's just take a break."

2. Declutter your sock drawer: because even the most skilled procrastinators need a clear mind.

3. Practice the ancient art of "Selective Amnesia": pretend you're on a deserted island with no memory of your tasks.

4. Perfect the art of sleeping in 37 different positions: because variety is the spice of life, or so we've heard.

5. Conjure the perfect sandwich: a true masterpiece that requires no effort, but will still fill the void in your stomach.