Subpage 6: The Art of Writing Unfair Traffic Tickets
Objective: Write the perfect ticket in under 5 minutes
As an officer, you are expected to write tickets that are not only accurate, but also aesthetically pleasing. In this subpage, we will cover the art of writing tickets that are so beautiful, so divine, so utterly crushing to the soul of the citizen.
Step 1: Use a font that is as ugly as possible. We recommend 'Comic Sans', but any other font that makes you question the choices of the designer will do.
Step 2: Use as many words as possible to describe the infraction. The more words, the more accurate the ticket.
Step 3: Include at least 3 citations of irrelevant laws and regulations. This will make the ticket seem more authoritative.
Step 4: Add a gratuitous use of all caps to emphasize the severity of the infraction.
Step 5: Include a personal message to the citizen, explaining why you are the best officer in the world.
Example of a well-written ticket:
<pre>Dear Citizen,</pre>
<pre>You are hereby fined $500 for failure to comply with section 12, subsection 4, clause 7 of the municipal code, which states "no one may walk down the street without a permit, unless they have a permit, in which case they must wear a name tag, but only if it is a Sunday, unless it's a national holiday, in which case they must eat a whole pizza by themselves, but only if they are under the age of 12.</pre>
<pre>Signed,</pre>
<pre>Officer Smith, Lord of the Tickets</pre>