The Eternal Recession: A Gathering of Prophets
We are the Prophets of the Apocalypse, gatherers of knowledge and predictors of doom. Our eternal recession is a time of great change, and we're here to guide you through it.
The Great Recession Prophet has foreseen the end of all things, including your wallet. He's always available for consultations, but be warned, his prophecies come with a hefty price tag.
The Financial Crisis Prophet has a Ph.D. in economics, but don't worry, he's not boring. He'll tell you exactly what to do with your 401(k), but you might not like the answer.
The Technological Prophet is our resident expert on all things digital. He'll tell you which app to use, which gadget to buy, and when to panic about the latest security breach.
The Intergalactic Prophet is our newest member, but don't be fooled, he's been to the stars and back. He'll tell you when the aliens will arrive and what to do when they do (hint: hide the snacks).