Preparing for the Great Upheaval: A Prophetic Primer

It's finally happened. The prophets of old have spoken, and their words have been... less than prophetic.

The signs were there, we all knew: The cat's been eating all the cheese, the birds have stopped singing in unison, and the neighbors' lawns have grown to resemble the surface of the moon.

Now, as the very fabric of reality unravels, it's time to prepare. Here's a list of essential items to stockpile for the impending doom:

• 1,000 gallons of water ( minimalist chic)
• A backup supply of artisanal, small-batch, gluten-free cat food
• A comprehensive guide to surviving on a diet of only ramen noodles and existential dread
• A 12-gallon tarp to shield against the impending biblical rains of fire and brimstone
• A set of earplugs, because the wailing of the damned will get loud

Important Prophetic Links:

Surviving in the Underground Bunker

Finding the Hidden Campground

Making Peace with the Coming Robots