Negotiation Hostage Situation

It's not a hostage situation, but more like a hostage negotiation situation. You know, the one where you're holding a hostage, but you're not really sure why.

You've got a few options, but they all seem pretty terrible:

• Option 1: Call in a team of highly trained negotiators who will probably just make things worse
• Option 2: Try to reason with the hostage-taker (good luck with that)
• Option 3: Pretend it's just a really intense game of pretend and offer to trade a few extra snacks for the release
• Option 4: Call the cops and hope they arrive quickly (but probably will just get there after the negotiations have been resolved, because of course

Or maybe just give us a call, we're on it.